Baby,
You have become a mover and a shaker! I feel you moving around multiple times a day and for longer periods of time too. I still have yet to feel any movements on the top right side of my belly. I'm convinced that is where your placenta is attached. It has become very obvious that you're in my belly now.
We got to see you a lot during week 20 because we had the anatomy scan ultrasound at my 20 week appointment. You seem to be growing right on schedule and very normally. The ultrasound tech got a great picture of your face and I can say that you are very cute even at your estimated weight of only 13 oz. You're papa is so smitten with you and I'm right there with him. This whole process of growing you for months without much in the way of feeling or outward appearance of being pregnant has been hard emotionally. I mean, I felt bad that I hadn't really connected with you. Hadn't really thought too much about you once you were outside. That changed quite a bit after seeing you moving around inside and looking so much like a tiny person. I really love you already. I hope that you continue to rock the development process and come out strong and healthy!
Now - for my own symptom report --- not for you baby!
I've been more consistently having to get up to pee. At about 3am I'm up every night to pee. It stinks, but I fall right back to sleep. I've also developed --- gasp---- hemorrhoids. I'd say this is by far the worse symptom of pregnancy, except that they haven't really been too horrible. I've been more diligent about drinking water daily and eating healthy. I've had a couple flare ups, but seem to be on the right track now. Another pregnancy related side effect... skin tags. I have one under my right arm in my armpit. I also had one my my nipple that I picked off accidentally! I thought it was a piece of lint. Other than that, and my allergic reaction to coco butter this week I haven't had much for symptoms. My face broke out this week like it hasn't in a couple years, but it is clearing up now. I've been washing more frequently (I'm very bad about remembering to wash before bed) and trying not to pick! I hope that doesn't continue.
Thursday, August 18, 2011
Thursday, August 11, 2011
Salamander week 17 - 19
Not much has happened during this time period. Baby has been growing and nausea and fatigue have lifted. I've felt really great. We finally had our yard sale and got rid of a ton of stuff. We made a couple hundred dollars and promptly spent it on Harborfest and other treats. We hooked up with someone on Craigslist that was having a fundraiser for their dog's surgery. She gave us $500 in certificates for a tax deduction... and came and picked all the leftovers up. I was extremely happy to have the stuff gone! We still have a few things that were over looked and didn't make it into the sale that need to be donated... but all in all it was a huge success!
Dave finished up his official slacker time for the summer. The weekend of August 6th was his official cut off for fun summer stuff and beginning of the get-crap-done-at-the-house-before-the-freakin-baby-arrives time. I've still dialed back my expectations of what will be done and what will not. I want the baby's room to be finished because I want to make sure there is at least one place that is complete and dust free for the baby and my own sanity. And you know what that's fine.
I've really tried to rope in the crazy lists and desire to have and do it all. Reality is something I'm trying to embrace. Including: being happy with what we have, who we are and where we're likely to really go in the next couple years. I'm really okay with it. I know that the baby will take up a lot of time in 2012. Getting to know her or him and figuring out how to keep them happy has a huge learning curve. I hope that I do really well in that department, but I know I'll have times where it seems like too much or just enough. It's all going to be so new that I don't want to set myself up with unrealistic expectations of everything else. You know, I won't get crafty and make my own crib bedding. Its simply not going to happen. There are too many other important things going on. And I'm really okay with that.
Deep relaxing breaths that actually feel good... what's this? Contentment? Not sure I've been here before. Don't get me wrong, anxiety is filtering in sometimes. Still, I've really dialed back on the freak out during this pregnancy. I'm settling in for the ride. It's going to be nutty, but so many other women have done it before. I know it's going to change everything about our lives but I also know it's doable. So, I'm content to just enjoy the time we have and the experiences that we're going through right now.
How about you? Are you living in the moment?
Dave finished up his official slacker time for the summer. The weekend of August 6th was his official cut off for fun summer stuff and beginning of the get-crap-done-at-the-house-before-the-freakin-baby-arrives time. I've still dialed back my expectations of what will be done and what will not. I want the baby's room to be finished because I want to make sure there is at least one place that is complete and dust free for the baby and my own sanity. And you know what that's fine.
I've really tried to rope in the crazy lists and desire to have and do it all. Reality is something I'm trying to embrace. Including: being happy with what we have, who we are and where we're likely to really go in the next couple years. I'm really okay with it. I know that the baby will take up a lot of time in 2012. Getting to know her or him and figuring out how to keep them happy has a huge learning curve. I hope that I do really well in that department, but I know I'll have times where it seems like too much or just enough. It's all going to be so new that I don't want to set myself up with unrealistic expectations of everything else. You know, I won't get crafty and make my own crib bedding. Its simply not going to happen. There are too many other important things going on. And I'm really okay with that.
Deep relaxing breaths that actually feel good... what's this? Contentment? Not sure I've been here before. Don't get me wrong, anxiety is filtering in sometimes. Still, I've really dialed back on the freak out during this pregnancy. I'm settling in for the ride. It's going to be nutty, but so many other women have done it before. I know it's going to change everything about our lives but I also know it's doable. So, I'm content to just enjoy the time we have and the experiences that we're going through right now.
How about you? Are you living in the moment?
Tuesday, August 9, 2011
Salamander Week 16
I had my 16 week appointment this morning. It went smoothly and quickly by. I had my blood drawn for the genetic screening and CF Carrier testing. Knowledge is power right? I'm not always so sure. I just worry about a poor result from the screening... What if it is mistake? I hate to open that high risk Pandora's box. But on the other hand, I want to give my baby the ultimate chance at a great life. If this baby is genetically damaged in someway, I'd like to spare it from a painful existence. Not the argument of a right to lifer for sure. I still maintain that a women should have the right of choice. Too many circumstances to make laws around. Keep it simple and let women and families choose what is best for them. Ok, off my soap box now.
Before the blood draw I was weighed - 1 lb up from my 12 week appointment - current weight 146lbs
I had my urine tested - No protein or glucose present
I discussed my lack of weight gain with the Dr. --- Make that the original practice founding Dr... Dr. Mathers Sr. --- He has to be pushing 80, but his hands were steady and he was still assured and knowledgeable. He said that many women gain way too much weight. Back when he was being trained they recommended that women gain about 18 lbs total. I could be happy with that but I won't kill myself if I gain more. I've got quite a bit of time left in this pregnancy.
He did the heart doppler, but it was so quick that I didn't get a chance to record it for Dave. I kind of felt bad, but he understood. He measured my tiny baby bump while I was lying on the exam table. It was kind of cute. He also commended me on my vegetarian diet! Sweet! I really love that this practice is in line with my own thinking. It is so nice to have doctors who value the healthy lifestyle that I've chosen for valid scientific reasons. Especially after the poor reaction that I continued to get from my general care Dr. I was ready to put up a fight and change to a practice in Syracuse if I didn't continue to feel like this was the right fit. This experience will go in the positive column. No real negatives yet. I'm disappointed that Midwife Brenda isn't with the practice any longer, but I can't really knock them for that.
In other baby related news - I had my first craving last night - Pineapple Juice. I think I would have punched a homeless man for a glass mixed with seltzer. It was very satisfying once it was in hand.
Before the blood draw I was weighed - 1 lb up from my 12 week appointment - current weight 146lbs
I had my urine tested - No protein or glucose present
I discussed my lack of weight gain with the Dr. --- Make that the original practice founding Dr... Dr. Mathers Sr. --- He has to be pushing 80, but his hands were steady and he was still assured and knowledgeable. He said that many women gain way too much weight. Back when he was being trained they recommended that women gain about 18 lbs total. I could be happy with that but I won't kill myself if I gain more. I've got quite a bit of time left in this pregnancy.
He did the heart doppler, but it was so quick that I didn't get a chance to record it for Dave. I kind of felt bad, but he understood. He measured my tiny baby bump while I was lying on the exam table. It was kind of cute. He also commended me on my vegetarian diet! Sweet! I really love that this practice is in line with my own thinking. It is so nice to have doctors who value the healthy lifestyle that I've chosen for valid scientific reasons. Especially after the poor reaction that I continued to get from my general care Dr. I was ready to put up a fight and change to a practice in Syracuse if I didn't continue to feel like this was the right fit. This experience will go in the positive column. No real negatives yet. I'm disappointed that Midwife Brenda isn't with the practice any longer, but I can't really knock them for that.
In other baby related news - I had my first craving last night - Pineapple Juice. I think I would have punched a homeless man for a glass mixed with seltzer. It was very satisfying once it was in hand.
Salamander 15 weeks
The nausea is finally... finally lifting. I'm feeling better everyday. Nothing dramatic. No night to day difference. I'm still feeling kind of tired in the mornings. I've been drinking coffee on a bit more of a regular basis. Still limiting my intact on any particular day, but enjoying a small cup with quite a bit of creamer a few times a week. I've broken down and gotten a medium half decaf more than a few times from Dunkin.
I've started taking the DHA supplement again. I'm not sure if this is the really good time to take it or not. My research has been limited to baby center weekly updates and the Child is Born book. That book is awesome when you're newly pregnant to get an idea of what's going on in there, but I find that once it stops being a weekly update it stops being as integral to my pregnant life. We're in the middle of a chunk of time and doesn't start a new reading until around 20 weeks.
I have grand plans to purchase another book, but when searching through amazon I found so many I wanted to read. I can't spend a hundred... or more on books! That money could be going towards diapers or a breast pump. I'm really feeling the pinch. Maybe they have some of them at the library?
My belly is starting to show. Just a tiny little bump right now, but Dave thinks its huge! If I were more sensitive I'd probably be offended by his exuberance. But I know that it is coming from a place of pure excitement. He tells me almost daily that he can't wait to meet our baby. I'm really happy to be able to go through this whole process with him. It makes me love him so much more. With the belly poking out and the ultrasound and the nausea lifting... and all the other things that have been going on, I'm slowly starting to view this as reality. I'm starting to get excited myself. It will be much easier after my screening tests are done next week and I get the good results I'm hoping/partly expecting.
We also received our official first baby related gift. (My mom's purchase of the sideboard doesn't count.)Jessica passed her baby sleeping bag thing down to us. It is a canvas bag that is lined with sheep skin. It is very very very warm. Our new winter baby should be super warm in it. I'm so happy to be reusing something that has been used by a number of other babies! All the way from snowy Montreal.
I've started taking the DHA supplement again. I'm not sure if this is the really good time to take it or not. My research has been limited to baby center weekly updates and the Child is Born book. That book is awesome when you're newly pregnant to get an idea of what's going on in there, but I find that once it stops being a weekly update it stops being as integral to my pregnant life. We're in the middle of a chunk of time and doesn't start a new reading until around 20 weeks.
I have grand plans to purchase another book, but when searching through amazon I found so many I wanted to read. I can't spend a hundred... or more on books! That money could be going towards diapers or a breast pump. I'm really feeling the pinch. Maybe they have some of them at the library?
My belly is starting to show. Just a tiny little bump right now, but Dave thinks its huge! If I were more sensitive I'd probably be offended by his exuberance. But I know that it is coming from a place of pure excitement. He tells me almost daily that he can't wait to meet our baby. I'm really happy to be able to go through this whole process with him. It makes me love him so much more. With the belly poking out and the ultrasound and the nausea lifting... and all the other things that have been going on, I'm slowly starting to view this as reality. I'm starting to get excited myself. It will be much easier after my screening tests are done next week and I get the good results I'm hoping/partly expecting.
We also received our official first baby related gift. (My mom's purchase of the sideboard doesn't count.)Jessica passed her baby sleeping bag thing down to us. It is a canvas bag that is lined with sheep skin. It is very very very warm. Our new winter baby should be super warm in it. I'm so happy to be reusing something that has been used by a number of other babies! All the way from snowy Montreal.
Salamander week 12-14
Yesterday marked the start of week 12. I'm not feeling much better yet. Nausea is still around for sure.
We had our first ultrasound this week. It was pretty exciting seeing our offspring inside my body. Surreal really. When the ultrasound tech put the probe to my belly the first image was a tiny hand pressed right up against the screen. I was startled and excited all at the same time. I don't know why I didn't expect that the baby would look like a baby. I knew that at 10 weeks they were essentially fully formed just in miniature, but I was still surprised.
We had our first ultrasound this week. It was pretty exciting seeing our offspring inside my body. Surreal really. When the ultrasound tech put the probe to my belly the first image was a tiny hand pressed right up against the screen. I was startled and excited all at the same time. I don't know why I didn't expect that the baby would look like a baby. I knew that at 10 weeks they were essentially fully formed just in miniature, but I was still surprised.
20 weeks
Tuesday, July 19, 2011
Salamander week 8-11
I got completely taken over by the nausea between weeks 8 and 11. I haven't been leading my normally life for at least a month now. The nausea would come in the mornings and in the evenings... oh and sometimes while I was at work. I became pretty good at silent dry heaving. It is an art form that I never thought I'd learn.
But, life marches on around you. Memorial day we went to the Adirondacks for some high peak hiking/backpacking. It was a great trip. It was quite a bit more difficult for me than it was in September 2010 when we went to the Flowed Lands. We hiked 5 miles into the Wolf Jaw lean-to and camped. Hiking Lower Wolf Jaw on Friday after a nap at the lean-to. We got caught in a crazy thunderstorm on the peak. Talk about drama. It poured buckets of rain, thunder and lightninged around us and hailed. We got soaked, but survived and made it back to the lean-to in record time. Thank god for the lean-to. It continued to rain all night!
It rained for awhile the next morning too. But the sun finally came out. We strung up a clothes line and took our time with breakfast then got on the trail for Upper Wolf Jaw and Armstrong Mt. What a crazy long hike to do when you're pregnant... so much for an easy hike! We hiked Upper Wolf Jaw up and over to Armstrong then had to hike up and over Upper to get back to the lean-to. Very long hike. I think we were back to camp by about 4 or so. I was very tired but very proud that I'd accomplished so much in the first trimester of this pregnancy.
We were greeted at our lean-to by another group of hikers. They were napping in the lean-to when we walked up. Just in time too, because it had started to rain again. We talked, and got out of our wet clothes. They were a family of three with a 9 year old in tow from New Jersey. They were meeting a couple of friends there and had come in late last night and slept in their car. The weather had deterred them from more than hiking in that day. We'd been very lucky to have clear skies for most of our hike that day.
We settled in with our new neighbors. It was kind of nice to talk and get to know some other people. I was beat though so we made food once the rain let up a bit and I got settled into my sleeping bag with my kindle. It rained on and off all night... with some pretty tough thunderstorms. When we woke in the morning it was still overcast and drizzly. We slowly got around, made some food and packed up our gear as the sky cleared. We'd decided to pack out and head home. I was sore and tired. We'd accomplished what we'd set out to do in the area anyway. We were planning on packing out and heading to Giant Mt. We'll have to try that again at some other time.
After reading the log book at the lean-to we had decided to find the Noonmark Cafe and have lunch. A few people had remarked on the great pies that they had. I could definitely go for some pie. A few hours later we made it back to the car. I was very happy to be out of the woods and into dry clothes again.
Noonmark here we come. It wasn't hard to find. Keen Valley is basically one road with some shops. It wasn't packed, but had quite a few tables. We cleaned up and ordered food. I had the best egg salad sandwich and fries ever. Topped it off with an ice tea and a piece of pecan pie that I still dream about. Two thumbs up for the Noonmark Cafe!
In more pregnancy related details... I didn't feel nauseous the whole time we camped. I think the high level of activity was really good for that portion of my symptoms. I did eat a ton and had to increase my water intact drastically to feel comfortable. I had to take it slowly since I got out of breath quickly, but all in all it was a great experience. I'd love to go again this summer, but I just don't think it will happen. Dave was a trooper waiting for me and worrying about me. Its a lot to ask him to do it again.
But, life marches on around you. Memorial day we went to the Adirondacks for some high peak hiking/backpacking. It was a great trip. It was quite a bit more difficult for me than it was in September 2010 when we went to the Flowed Lands. We hiked 5 miles into the Wolf Jaw lean-to and camped. Hiking Lower Wolf Jaw on Friday after a nap at the lean-to. We got caught in a crazy thunderstorm on the peak. Talk about drama. It poured buckets of rain, thunder and lightninged around us and hailed. We got soaked, but survived and made it back to the lean-to in record time. Thank god for the lean-to. It continued to rain all night!
It rained for awhile the next morning too. But the sun finally came out. We strung up a clothes line and took our time with breakfast then got on the trail for Upper Wolf Jaw and Armstrong Mt. What a crazy long hike to do when you're pregnant... so much for an easy hike! We hiked Upper Wolf Jaw up and over to Armstrong then had to hike up and over Upper to get back to the lean-to. Very long hike. I think we were back to camp by about 4 or so. I was very tired but very proud that I'd accomplished so much in the first trimester of this pregnancy.
We were greeted at our lean-to by another group of hikers. They were napping in the lean-to when we walked up. Just in time too, because it had started to rain again. We talked, and got out of our wet clothes. They were a family of three with a 9 year old in tow from New Jersey. They were meeting a couple of friends there and had come in late last night and slept in their car. The weather had deterred them from more than hiking in that day. We'd been very lucky to have clear skies for most of our hike that day.
We settled in with our new neighbors. It was kind of nice to talk and get to know some other people. I was beat though so we made food once the rain let up a bit and I got settled into my sleeping bag with my kindle. It rained on and off all night... with some pretty tough thunderstorms. When we woke in the morning it was still overcast and drizzly. We slowly got around, made some food and packed up our gear as the sky cleared. We'd decided to pack out and head home. I was sore and tired. We'd accomplished what we'd set out to do in the area anyway. We were planning on packing out and heading to Giant Mt. We'll have to try that again at some other time.
After reading the log book at the lean-to we had decided to find the Noonmark Cafe and have lunch. A few people had remarked on the great pies that they had. I could definitely go for some pie. A few hours later we made it back to the car. I was very happy to be out of the woods and into dry clothes again.
Noonmark here we come. It wasn't hard to find. Keen Valley is basically one road with some shops. It wasn't packed, but had quite a few tables. We cleaned up and ordered food. I had the best egg salad sandwich and fries ever. Topped it off with an ice tea and a piece of pecan pie that I still dream about. Two thumbs up for the Noonmark Cafe!
In more pregnancy related details... I didn't feel nauseous the whole time we camped. I think the high level of activity was really good for that portion of my symptoms. I did eat a ton and had to increase my water intact drastically to feel comfortable. I had to take it slowly since I got out of breath quickly, but all in all it was a great experience. I'd love to go again this summer, but I just don't think it will happen. Dave was a trooper waiting for me and worrying about me. Its a lot to ask him to do it again.
Thursday, July 14, 2011
Salamander Week 7
Week seven started beautifully. Sunday, May 8th was Mother's Day. I don't really feel like a mother, but it is kind of nice to get noticed. My mom gave me a gift of Coldstone Creamery gift card. How nice. I can't wait to use it. Maybe I'll be able to eat some yummy ice cream without feeling sick? Yes the nausea continues... but I'll get to that later.
Sunday, I rode south with Mo and Kristen to meet up with Melissa, Shannon, Matt and Beckett at the annual Mother's Day Garden Tour at Sycamore Hills. It was a beautiful day. We stopped on the way down for Mo to pickup a craig's list purchase of maternity clothes. She made out pretty good... and the lady she purchased them from was so nice. Her mother even gave us all doughnuts! We then went to Wegman's in Fairmount to pick up some picnic lunch worth items. We got bread, brie, olive bar bites, avocado rolls and some fruit. It was a great spread. We met Matt and Shannon just as we were getting out of the car so it was really good timing. Melissa wasn't far behind.
The weather was so nice and sunny that we just wandered around the garden for a couple hours chatting. We sat on some stones outside the dragon house and ate our lunch. I couldn't really have asked for a better day. After the garden we swung by Matt and Shannon's for a short chat. Melissa picked up some baby paraphernalia. I divulged that I'm pregnant, and so did Mo.
I flip flopped about revealing my pregnancy for a little bit, but it is hard not to talk about what's going on with you at the moment. Plus most of the people I was with already knew so I kind of was talking like I forgot they didn't know yet. So, hopefully nothing bad happens because I'll have to tell a bunch of people about it if it does. Oh well such is life. It so often doesn't pan out how you expect. I also feel like a liar when I'm talking to people and I don't mention my pregnancy. I mean, this is such a huge part of what's going on with me now. When someone I haven't seen in awhile talks to me and asks how things are going, I'm at a loss. What do I say? Do I give the customary nothing much... or I'm doing fine, how about you? I guess I can do that with some people, but with others that I've had an intimate connection with I find it really hard.
Two more weeks until my first appointment. It seems like the days have been dragging on so slowly.
Sunday, I rode south with Mo and Kristen to meet up with Melissa, Shannon, Matt and Beckett at the annual Mother's Day Garden Tour at Sycamore Hills. It was a beautiful day. We stopped on the way down for Mo to pickup a craig's list purchase of maternity clothes. She made out pretty good... and the lady she purchased them from was so nice. Her mother even gave us all doughnuts! We then went to Wegman's in Fairmount to pick up some picnic lunch worth items. We got bread, brie, olive bar bites, avocado rolls and some fruit. It was a great spread. We met Matt and Shannon just as we were getting out of the car so it was really good timing. Melissa wasn't far behind.
The weather was so nice and sunny that we just wandered around the garden for a couple hours chatting. We sat on some stones outside the dragon house and ate our lunch. I couldn't really have asked for a better day. After the garden we swung by Matt and Shannon's for a short chat. Melissa picked up some baby paraphernalia. I divulged that I'm pregnant, and so did Mo.
I flip flopped about revealing my pregnancy for a little bit, but it is hard not to talk about what's going on with you at the moment. Plus most of the people I was with already knew so I kind of was talking like I forgot they didn't know yet. So, hopefully nothing bad happens because I'll have to tell a bunch of people about it if it does. Oh well such is life. It so often doesn't pan out how you expect. I also feel like a liar when I'm talking to people and I don't mention my pregnancy. I mean, this is such a huge part of what's going on with me now. When someone I haven't seen in awhile talks to me and asks how things are going, I'm at a loss. What do I say? Do I give the customary nothing much... or I'm doing fine, how about you? I guess I can do that with some people, but with others that I've had an intimate connection with I find it really hard.
Two more weeks until my first appointment. It seems like the days have been dragging on so slowly.
Salamander 1.0 - Week 6
Well so much for the no nausea. Sunday marked the official start of week six. I rang it in with a nice puking fest shortly after arriving home from a visit to my folks. Let me back up and recount the weekend.
Saturday April 30th was Melissa's baby shower. Maureen was set to pick me up at 10:30 so we could get to Peggy's (Melissa's MIL) house around 11:30 to help with the party setup. No biggie. Dave and I slept in a bit. I jumped in the shower after we finally got up around 8 or 8:30. By the time I was ready I was starving and pretty nauseous. Dave informed me he needed cash which I didn't have on me. It was 10:00 and I decided we should get bagels at the bagel shop down town. So we quickly jumped in the truck and drove to get cash and bagels. Great idea! That bagel made me feel better... but the OJ was a poor choice.
Maureen showed up right on time. I finished up my bagel and kissed the hubby good bye. We had a pretty uneventful ride out to Canastota. When we arrived at Peggy's house she wasn't there... but Melissa's mother and sister were waiting in their car. We said hi and got back in the cars to wait. It was a bit chilly outside. Peggy finally showed up just before noon. She proceeded to tell us that she had told Melissa to have us come at noon... but that Melissa said not to worry because we're never on time.
What the hell? We're not always late. I think my prego hormones may have pushed me to take greater offense to that statement than was called for. Moving on.
We helped take all the packages of food into the house. Finger sandwiches, subway sandwiches and a bunch of other stuff I don't quite remember. It's a good thing we didn't bring a dish to pass. The mom's totally had things figured out. We were superfluous. Someone suggested blowing up balloons to finish with the decorations... famous last words :) Poor Mo and I were turning green trying to blow up these balloons. I joked about filling one with puke instead of air. Little did I know that gaggy feeling would be magnified in just a few short days.
The party was packed and long. Melissa was happy with the gift we got her - Mo, Jenny and I went in on professional photography sessions & prints for her and Brandon. They would get a session of maternity shots and a newborn session for Stella once she arrived. - She got some major loot from the rest of the family and friends that had come. Once everything was opened up and oohed and ahhed over, the silly games were done and we had all filled our stomachs it was time to leave. We packed up Melissa's loot and headed over to her house.
Dave had driven over and spent the day playing disc golf with Brandon, John, Cody and Adam. They were already back at the house drinking some beers. We lingered for awhile. Daphne showed us pictures set to music of Melissa's Bachlorette party and then we headed to Cortland to visit my parents for the night.
Visit with my parents was low key. My mom and I talked about the pregnancy and how I'm feeling. She recounted how things went with her pregnancy with me. Dave was pissed because my Dad didn't say a word. No congratulations... no nothing. He can be so insensitive, so oblivious. Such is life. I know how he is, but Dave was really upset. He'll be fine of course. I just hope my Dad gets the memo as this progresses that he should be happy. It could be that he's tentative just like I am. I must admit that Dave kind of said the same thing to me... I just want you to be happy about this. I am, but I'm scared too. So, I give him the benefit of the doubt that he's being reserved because of that.
The biggest change this week has been the will crushing nausea. I have been miserable all week. I feel like I'm dying a slow horrible tortured death. It has been really awful. Each day since Sunday's puke has been worse. I wake up and as I'm getting down the stairs it is already setting in. I've been unable to really look at food in the morning. So, making Dave's lunch is completely out of the question. I feel awful about this. I mean that is one of those things that I've been doing for years. I've made him lunch almost every morning for the last 5 years! I seriously can count on less than two hands how many times he's left without a lunch made by my hands. Even if it was just leftovers from the night before. I put them into a container and made sure he had a fork... all that stuff. So I feel terrible that he's had to fend for himself.
I hope it gets better soon. Really, really soon. I might claw my eyes out if I have to have this continue for much more than a few weeks. I'm not the praying kind... but I'll take any of the good vibes you can send my way including prayers.
Saturday April 30th was Melissa's baby shower. Maureen was set to pick me up at 10:30 so we could get to Peggy's (Melissa's MIL) house around 11:30 to help with the party setup. No biggie. Dave and I slept in a bit. I jumped in the shower after we finally got up around 8 or 8:30. By the time I was ready I was starving and pretty nauseous. Dave informed me he needed cash which I didn't have on me. It was 10:00 and I decided we should get bagels at the bagel shop down town. So we quickly jumped in the truck and drove to get cash and bagels. Great idea! That bagel made me feel better... but the OJ was a poor choice.
Maureen showed up right on time. I finished up my bagel and kissed the hubby good bye. We had a pretty uneventful ride out to Canastota. When we arrived at Peggy's house she wasn't there... but Melissa's mother and sister were waiting in their car. We said hi and got back in the cars to wait. It was a bit chilly outside. Peggy finally showed up just before noon. She proceeded to tell us that she had told Melissa to have us come at noon... but that Melissa said not to worry because we're never on time.
What the hell? We're not always late. I think my prego hormones may have pushed me to take greater offense to that statement than was called for. Moving on.
We helped take all the packages of food into the house. Finger sandwiches, subway sandwiches and a bunch of other stuff I don't quite remember. It's a good thing we didn't bring a dish to pass. The mom's totally had things figured out. We were superfluous. Someone suggested blowing up balloons to finish with the decorations... famous last words :) Poor Mo and I were turning green trying to blow up these balloons. I joked about filling one with puke instead of air. Little did I know that gaggy feeling would be magnified in just a few short days.
The party was packed and long. Melissa was happy with the gift we got her - Mo, Jenny and I went in on professional photography sessions & prints for her and Brandon. They would get a session of maternity shots and a newborn session for Stella once she arrived. - She got some major loot from the rest of the family and friends that had come. Once everything was opened up and oohed and ahhed over, the silly games were done and we had all filled our stomachs it was time to leave. We packed up Melissa's loot and headed over to her house.
Dave had driven over and spent the day playing disc golf with Brandon, John, Cody and Adam. They were already back at the house drinking some beers. We lingered for awhile. Daphne showed us pictures set to music of Melissa's Bachlorette party and then we headed to Cortland to visit my parents for the night.
Visit with my parents was low key. My mom and I talked about the pregnancy and how I'm feeling. She recounted how things went with her pregnancy with me. Dave was pissed because my Dad didn't say a word. No congratulations... no nothing. He can be so insensitive, so oblivious. Such is life. I know how he is, but Dave was really upset. He'll be fine of course. I just hope my Dad gets the memo as this progresses that he should be happy. It could be that he's tentative just like I am. I must admit that Dave kind of said the same thing to me... I just want you to be happy about this. I am, but I'm scared too. So, I give him the benefit of the doubt that he's being reserved because of that.
The biggest change this week has been the will crushing nausea. I have been miserable all week. I feel like I'm dying a slow horrible tortured death. It has been really awful. Each day since Sunday's puke has been worse. I wake up and as I'm getting down the stairs it is already setting in. I've been unable to really look at food in the morning. So, making Dave's lunch is completely out of the question. I feel awful about this. I mean that is one of those things that I've been doing for years. I've made him lunch almost every morning for the last 5 years! I seriously can count on less than two hands how many times he's left without a lunch made by my hands. Even if it was just leftovers from the night before. I put them into a container and made sure he had a fork... all that stuff. So I feel terrible that he's had to fend for himself.
I hope it gets better soon. Really, really soon. I might claw my eyes out if I have to have this continue for much more than a few weeks. I'm not the praying kind... but I'll take any of the good vibes you can send my way including prayers.
Salamander 1.0 - Week 5
This week I'm already late on writing. That is not a good sign. I think I'll get more into the whole posting thing as a way to keep track of how I am feeling as this pregnancy progresses. I expect that I'll want to have a record of this huge life change since I can't remember much of anything. I seriously am still pissed that my wedding didn't get filmed. That was nearly 3 years ago. Grudge much?
Anyway, after initially having heartburn that first day after finding out, I haven't really had a problem since then. I don't know if it was the stress of knowing or what, but I count my lucky stars that the last week and a half or so have been pretty uneventful. This week has brought on some new pregnancy symptoms. Especially exhaustion. I have been so tired that I've had to nap in my car on my lunches. I am really tired, but when I finally do get home I can't get to sleep. My mind is running. I feel guilty that the house is a mess. I need to cook dinner. Oh and I'm also feeling horrible that I haven't been exercising much at all. I've also been waking during the night because I have to pee. And, every time I've woke up even a little to roll over or something, it has hit me like a ton of bricks that I'm pregnant. Oh my god, I'm pregnant. Then I get up, pee and get back in bed only to lye awake for awhile just thinking and worrying about everything.
As of yesterday, Thursday the 28th, I've also started having uterine cramping and round ligament pain. As I said to my friends who are both pregnant too... this is probably one of the only times when googeling has been relief inducing. It appears that my uterus is just expanding to house my growing embryo and the ligaments that hold up my uterus are stretching too. Maureen assured me that she's been having cramping for weeks. So I have this to look forward to for awhile.
I don't want to sound like I'm ungrateful for this pre-baby. I don't want to whine too much, but this whole process is really crazy. It is difficult to wrap my mind around all the changes that are going on inside my body. I feel like I don't want to get too excited yet either. I know I'm coming across as apathetic when I speak to people, but I know myself. If things don't work out. It is going to be really tough. We got so excited when we had that first positive test. We definitely told more people than I thought we would have... or than I think we should have. I'm very apprehensive about really connecting to the embryo yet. I know we all started the same way, but with a 20% or more percentage of miscarriage it is a reality that this pregnancy could end much sooner than we'd like. I'm nothing if not pragmatic.
How long did it take you to settle into your pregnancy? Were you apprehensive at all?
Anyway, after initially having heartburn that first day after finding out, I haven't really had a problem since then. I don't know if it was the stress of knowing or what, but I count my lucky stars that the last week and a half or so have been pretty uneventful. This week has brought on some new pregnancy symptoms. Especially exhaustion. I have been so tired that I've had to nap in my car on my lunches. I am really tired, but when I finally do get home I can't get to sleep. My mind is running. I feel guilty that the house is a mess. I need to cook dinner. Oh and I'm also feeling horrible that I haven't been exercising much at all. I've also been waking during the night because I have to pee. And, every time I've woke up even a little to roll over or something, it has hit me like a ton of bricks that I'm pregnant. Oh my god, I'm pregnant. Then I get up, pee and get back in bed only to lye awake for awhile just thinking and worrying about everything.
As of yesterday, Thursday the 28th, I've also started having uterine cramping and round ligament pain. As I said to my friends who are both pregnant too... this is probably one of the only times when googeling has been relief inducing. It appears that my uterus is just expanding to house my growing embryo and the ligaments that hold up my uterus are stretching too. Maureen assured me that she's been having cramping for weeks. So I have this to look forward to for awhile.
I don't want to sound like I'm ungrateful for this pre-baby. I don't want to whine too much, but this whole process is really crazy. It is difficult to wrap my mind around all the changes that are going on inside my body. I feel like I don't want to get too excited yet either. I know I'm coming across as apathetic when I speak to people, but I know myself. If things don't work out. It is going to be really tough. We got so excited when we had that first positive test. We definitely told more people than I thought we would have... or than I think we should have. I'm very apprehensive about really connecting to the embryo yet. I know we all started the same way, but with a 20% or more percentage of miscarriage it is a reality that this pregnancy could end much sooner than we'd like. I'm nothing if not pragmatic.
How long did it take you to settle into your pregnancy? Were you apprehensive at all?
Salamander 1.0 - Week 4
I thought I got my period on Saturday. It was due on Friday according to my phone app. I went out to lunch with my girlfriends Melissa and Maureen... who both happen to be pregnant. I ordered two beers at Melissa's prodding. I figured why not, Maureen had driven. What's two beers? By the time we left Empire Brewing, I had a bit of a buzz on. We decided to hit the mall for some light shopping. We walked around. Stopped in at Motherhood for a belly band for Maureen and JCP for pillows for Melissa. Nothing was very eventful.
Maureen drove us back to Oswego and we were home by about 6:30 or so. I called Dave, but he was hanging out at Brian and Joe's. I dropped off leftovers from our lunch to him and stopped by Mo's to watch a movie. Their playstation wasn't working so we ended up watching last season episodes of True Blood in her bedroom while she looked through some pregnancy books I brought over. A mutual friend of ours loaned them to me when I said that we'd be trying for a baby after May last year. They'd been sitting at my house and I didn't have a use for them yet so I figured she could get some reading in. I stayed till around 10:30 and drove home.
Dave was already home. He commented on how ridiculous those guys were. How he really wasn't at the same time in life as they were. How he didn't actually have a very good time. I went to change my tampon and realized that I hadn't bled. I mentioned it to Dave and he blew it off. He told me it was wishful thinking. We snuggled on the couch, watch TV... I fell asleep... and then headed up to bed at 12:30. I figured it would be good, we could sleep in a bit, have breakfast, possibly go to the gym before Joe came over to brew a batch of beer at 10am.
The morning came. We slowly got out of bed. Nonchalantly talked about all the stuff that would need to be done before a baby arrived anyway. We went downstairs and I convinced Dave to make waffles and to skip the gym. I commented that I still wasn't bleeding. He said well take a test or at least check to see if you're bleeding now. I said ok and went upstairs... looked to find a test in my luggage. We'd traveled to my parents last month when I'd had a late period. I'd bought a box of tests while we were down there. I didn't find the test I was looking for but did find one left from a box that expired April 2011. I yelled down to Dave that I was going to take a test.
He must not have heard me because he didn't say anything. I really didn't think much of it. I peed on the stick, put the cap on it and put it on the back of the toilet. By the time I'd wiped and turned around to look at it while I was pulling my pants up... it was positive. I yelled Dave's name twice and met him on the stairs. I couldn't speak. He asked if I was pregnant and I nodded yes. We both ran upstairs to confirm that the stick was in fact positive. It was... and still is this morning. Dave took a picture with his phone, we hugged and got a bit teary. Then we went downstairs to finish making breakfast and decide who to tell.
I really didn't expect this at all. We've been trying for awhile, but there had been a two cycle lull when I was going through my health issues in Dec-February. We'd just talked about how lucky we were I wasn't pregnant in December because of the probability that I'd have to have surgery. Now just a few short months later I've been through surgery, healed, gone through a long round of antibiotics and found out I'm pregnant. It seems that when something new happens it comes in waves. Tidal waves.
Now, only a day after I peed positive, I already have heartburn and nausea. I didn't expect that so soon. Did you have common pregnancy symptoms before or after you found out you were pregnant?
Maureen drove us back to Oswego and we were home by about 6:30 or so. I called Dave, but he was hanging out at Brian and Joe's. I dropped off leftovers from our lunch to him and stopped by Mo's to watch a movie. Their playstation wasn't working so we ended up watching last season episodes of True Blood in her bedroom while she looked through some pregnancy books I brought over. A mutual friend of ours loaned them to me when I said that we'd be trying for a baby after May last year. They'd been sitting at my house and I didn't have a use for them yet so I figured she could get some reading in. I stayed till around 10:30 and drove home.
Dave was already home. He commented on how ridiculous those guys were. How he really wasn't at the same time in life as they were. How he didn't actually have a very good time. I went to change my tampon and realized that I hadn't bled. I mentioned it to Dave and he blew it off. He told me it was wishful thinking. We snuggled on the couch, watch TV... I fell asleep... and then headed up to bed at 12:30. I figured it would be good, we could sleep in a bit, have breakfast, possibly go to the gym before Joe came over to brew a batch of beer at 10am.
The morning came. We slowly got out of bed. Nonchalantly talked about all the stuff that would need to be done before a baby arrived anyway. We went downstairs and I convinced Dave to make waffles and to skip the gym. I commented that I still wasn't bleeding. He said well take a test or at least check to see if you're bleeding now. I said ok and went upstairs... looked to find a test in my luggage. We'd traveled to my parents last month when I'd had a late period. I'd bought a box of tests while we were down there. I didn't find the test I was looking for but did find one left from a box that expired April 2011. I yelled down to Dave that I was going to take a test.
He must not have heard me because he didn't say anything. I really didn't think much of it. I peed on the stick, put the cap on it and put it on the back of the toilet. By the time I'd wiped and turned around to look at it while I was pulling my pants up... it was positive. I yelled Dave's name twice and met him on the stairs. I couldn't speak. He asked if I was pregnant and I nodded yes. We both ran upstairs to confirm that the stick was in fact positive. It was... and still is this morning. Dave took a picture with his phone, we hugged and got a bit teary. Then we went downstairs to finish making breakfast and decide who to tell.
I really didn't expect this at all. We've been trying for awhile, but there had been a two cycle lull when I was going through my health issues in Dec-February. We'd just talked about how lucky we were I wasn't pregnant in December because of the probability that I'd have to have surgery. Now just a few short months later I've been through surgery, healed, gone through a long round of antibiotics and found out I'm pregnant. It seems that when something new happens it comes in waves. Tidal waves.
Now, only a day after I peed positive, I already have heartburn and nausea. I didn't expect that so soon. Did you have common pregnancy symptoms before or after you found out you were pregnant?
Wednesday, March 16, 2011
Pre-Surgery
My surgery was scheduled for January 25th. I expected to be able to go back to work the next day. I just assumed that because it was out patient surgery that it wouldn't be that bad. Still, I was nervous. The whole idea of anesthesia freaks me out! The things that could go wrong. What if I didn't take to it well? What if I came out of it and I was puking all over? What if I didn't come out of it? You can't be sure that you'll react well to a drug if you've never had it before. There wasn't really the option to say no. I had to take the plunge and find out what the heck was wrong with me.
I talked to the Doctor's assistant before surgery day and asked what to expect. How long I would need to be out of work. She said to expect to take the day after surgery off and be prepared to need two days to recover. That really got me more nervous. I was told to come at 10am for my 1pm surgery. We'd have a pre-op meeting to go over all the details of the surgery before.
There was less than one week before my surgery. I was nervous already and the nervousness only increased as the days melted away. The weekend came finally and I was relaxing at home. I felt like crap. The neck lump had gotten so huge by this point I was uncomfortable pretty much all of the time. Dave and Joe made plans to go to Liverpool (about 30 mins away.) to pick up brewing supplies. I said I'd stay home. I was watching a movie on Netflix when the call came.
"Amber, we're stuck. I need you to come get us."
Dave's truck had broken down on the side of the highway just outside the next town. It would have been an inconvenience to go pick them up, but we had gotten 6-8 inches of snow and my car hadn't been shoveled out yet. I reluctantly suited up to go snow blow the car out. I finally got on the road about 30-40 mins later to drive the 15 mins out to pick them up. They were both so pissed.
Dave had already called for road side assistance. **I must say that is the best add-on to our car insurance ever. I've called for lock out service twice.** The local tow service said that would be another hour and a half. He'd asked them to call him about 10 mins before their arrival. So we went home and waited. Once he arrived and got the truck towed to the local garage of our choosing, he proceeded to lock Dave's keys in the truck and leave it in the middle of the garage's driveway. What a mess.
So Monday we had to drive down to the rental car place and rent a car for Dave to drive to class and work. Then I had to meet him there after work to drop off the rental car. All this the day before my surgery.
We arrived at the hospital the next morning right on time. We met my mother in the lobby. I signed in and was sent upstairs to the surgery unit. I was taken in immediately and given a room. A nurse came in and gave me a horribly huge gown, compression thigh-highs and gripper socks to put on. Once I was dressed in my hospital garb, I got an iv started and had a blood draw. Then I was wheeled down to xray for my chest film to be done. It would have been nice if they had done that while I was in my street clothes. The huge gown was falling off me all over the place. Then I was wheeled back to wait.
I was super nervous and sweaty. I talked a ton and laughed and joked out of nervousness. Finally they came in and discussed the details. They would cut me open and take out a piece of the mass. Dr Hsu would take it up to pathology and look at it. They would do an initial assessment of cancer or not. Then if possible he would come back and take as much as he could out. I should be under between 1 and 2 hrs.
Sounded good to me. Pretty much what I was expecting. They just wouldn't know what they were dealing with until they got in there.
(About this time Dave got the call that the truck was fixed... and it was going to be $1100 and we could pick it up at time.)
It was nearly time for me to go in. Nurses, anesthesia, students and other doctors were filing in and out of my room. My mom and husband were asked to go to the waiting room. I was given "something" to help me relax. It quickly moved through my body and just as I was relaxed (read really messed up) I was being wheeled into the operating room.
Monday, January 24, 2011
Fear of the Unknown
It all started in November right before Thanksgiving. I had gotten a cold. I was feeling under the weather. My lymph nodes in my neck were swollen. It all seemed so normal. Now, I have an unidentified mass in my neck. And it has gotten so huge. Let me back up a bit.
I went to my primary care physician on December 20th. Right before Christmas is not the time to get for real sick. He pushed me to get into get some blood work done. Check my thyroid levels... have an ultrasound of the mass done. I complied. I went in the next day to get the test done, but they didn't reveal anything. Blood work all came back Normal. The ultrasound confirmed that I wasn't being a freak... there was a 2.5cm, unidentified mass on the left side of my neck and an enlarged lymph node too. My Dr. wanted me to go in for a CT scan now... It was scheduled for December 29th.
I went to my parents for Christmas. I brooded over the CT Scan. Was it really necessary? My parents pushed me too. My father had just had a diagnosis of an infected sebaceous gland. It seemed like I was following the same diagnostic time line. Why wouldn't they just send me to the specialist for a biopsy and get it over with. I returned to my primary Dr. on December 27th and canceled my CT appointment. They called the specialist at Upstate. The office was closed for the whole week. More waiting ensued.
New Years, I indulged in home-made gnocchi, English toffee,a lot of wine and time with friends. I sort of forgot about my lump and the choking feeling it was giving me. I waited some more... January 3rd my primary's office called. I had to have a CT and an FNA (fine needle aspiration) done before my appointment with the specialist. They were scheduled at Upstate on January 5th. Once the results were in the specialist would schedule my appointment.
I was so nervous to get the FNA done. I envisioned it being horrific. For some people it would have been, but I found that it wasn't as bad as I thought it would be. I hoped for relief when the results would show it was nothing. Unfortunately, the results were "Normal." But, the pathologist didn't get much material out of my lump. He said it was very fibrous, hard and showed signs of scaring. They didn't see any obvious cancer cells. I was kind of relieved. But, the pathologist did warn that they may have to repeat the procedure with ultrasound guiding in order to get a representative sample of the mass. I didn't feel complete relief because of that statement. The CT scan with contrast was easy. Packed waiting room, warming sensation and horrible chemical taste aside, I was in and out without much of an issue.
More waiting... less information. January 19th finally came. My specialist appointment was at the same hospital. Busy doctors office and the wait was about an hour and thirty minutes before I saw the Dr. He was immediately endearing. A very good quality in a a doctor. Given the long wait, I knew he was very busy, but he didn't act that way. As soon as he popped into my exam room, he had a warm smile mixed with an easy but caring demeanor. He quickly got into a description of what we could be dealing with. He spoke in easy but clearly knowledgeable terms and didn't sugar coat any of the possibilities. Cancer was uttered more than once. I felt good about this approach. I like to be aware of what I could be dealing with good and bad. I think it is better to be pleasantly surprised than devastated by a horrible diagnosis that you hadn't even thought about yet.
My voice was scratchy that morning and had been quite a few mornings before. I explained this to Dr. Hsu. He was concerned that if this lump was a tumor that it may have grown into my voicebox. He left the office to get a scope so he could look at my vocal cords. I wasn't too nervous yet. He came back and mentioned something about it feeling like a noodle going down my throat... that was not the case. He inserted a small scope in my nose and down my throat. It was tight feeling and I could taste the lubricant. It was a mix of metal and antiseptic and it was awful. But, it was over quickly and he didn't see anything that concerned him.
Onto the next test. The results from my first FNA being "normal" didn't satisfy Dr. Hsu. He asked if we had time to wait for the pathologist to come down to perform a second FNA. We did. We went out to the cafe in the lobby of the hospital. Dave drank some coffee and we shared a muffin. We ended up waiting for about an hour for the Pathologist to get out of there meeting. They came down and performed the FNA again. It was the same Resident and student who had started my FNA the last time. She only did one pass and wasn't happy with her results. She told me she'd get the Attending down here quickly to perform the subsequent passes as she didn't want to put me through any unnecessary pain. A very confident, dark haired, medium skin toned women strode into my curtained exam space. She quickly got to work. Her passes were confident where the residents were tentative. She continued with three passes of her own and was confident with the material that she collected. I was spent and very sore. They assesed the material... inconclusive again.
Dr. Hsu came back after a bit. They had passed the inconclusive result onto him. He explained that initial results like these usually stuck. That the further processing, didn't normally make for a clearer result. He wanted to look at his calendar and schedule a more invasive biopsy. One that would require me to be put under general anesthesia. Once he got into my neck, he'd know more. So, he sent me on my way.
Up next time... surgery.
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