Kitchen Island

I am totally smitten with this island.

http://www.napastyle.com/assets/product_images/styles/large/50000.jpg

The recycled barn board. The cubbies where everything has its place. The secret hiding spot. My kitchen would be completely transformed by this island. Unfortunately... It's on sale (How often do you here that) just under $1000. I could justify the expense for this lovely creation, but my husband can't.

My uncle has created our built in cabinetry for our kitchen. It's beautiful. Maybe, I could commission him to build this for me? I feel like I've already occupied too much of his time. Hubby isn't a craftsman quite like my Uncle is. I think he could be, but he doesn't have the vision of himself that I do.

Any suggestions on how to sell my husband on this island?

Dogs.

I love dogs. Well, most dogs. I seriously can't imagine my life without my dog. He is a 100lbs Black Lab - Great Dane mix. He's a very handsome and goofy boy.
This is Foster Rood McBean, aka Foster, McBean, Bean or just B. It's funny how names evolve or de-evolve in this case. He is treated much like a child... besides the part where we leave him home alone all day while we're at work. We love Foster tons. He's turned in to a very big part of our family.

Current thoughts on adding children to our life.

I'm still considered a newlywed. My husband and I tied the knot October 10th 2008. We'd been together for 9 years at that point. In that much time, you end up talking about everything... including children.

I've never been one of those women who longed for a baby. I'm an only child and I just don't have that much experience with babies. I can see their appeal, but I'll never be the lady in the office or at the party that begs to hold your child.

That being said, I imagine that I'll be a good mother. I have an instinct. I take good care of my husband and our pet family. (Well, maybe not good care of the cats, but I just don't like them that much.) I worry about things that mother's should worry about. I provide healthy food that I make with love. I can see a baby fitting in with our family at some point.

My husband didn't want children when we were younger... but he wants one now. He has been consumed by baby fever! He talks about it every week. I was very resistant at first. I pushed back and said, "Maybe next year. Remember we're planning our real honeymoon trip for next year." (we're currently saving for a trip to Iceland) And, "Remember, I'm supposed to do the 70 miler with you." He keeps saying "OK." But, I can feel the disappointment in his voice.

So, he's wearing me down. Now we're talking about baby names. I'm still not giving in completely. I do want to wait to start trying for a baby until next year. I want our long term renovation project to be more complete. I want to take that trip. I want to paddle in that race, at least once. I really feel like these things aren't excuses, just things I need to do before I shift focus to a child. I know I'll change. I know that I will be consumed by that child at first. That the rest of my life will fall away and he or she will be the most important thing. I'll have to shift my life around to revolve around that baby for sometime. I don't want to regret never going on that trip... never pushing myself to finish that race.

Still, I feel my biological clock ticking away. I'll be 30 in April. I don't think that is old really, but physically it might be. Fertility wise, I might be pushing my luck. Early menopause is part of my genetic past. I don't have any older mothers in my family. They all had their children early in life. My mother was only 18 when she had me. My parents tried to have another child when my mother was a bit younger than I am now... that didn't happen. It was a sad time when my brother was lost before he could be born. So, I worry that I've waited too long to grow up. I worry that I'm being selfish to hold out until next year.

Do you have plans for children?

Seeing it better.

Why is it that when death hits you close to home you start seeing it everywhere?
My grandfather passed away on July 3rd at about 7am. Howard Preston was my paternal grandfather. I loved him dearly in spite of his short comings. I give him credit for being a loving husband to his wife, a father to eight children and a grandfather to 23 grandchildren. He lead a full life but passed away due to complications from Alzheimer's at the age of 83.

I like to remember him best from the dulling memories of my childhood, his eyes still shining. I'd like to hold onto that image of him and smash the image of him in death from my thoughts. My husband and I attended a service filled with fond memories, love and laughter. There were tears, but only with smiles behind them. It is always hard to lose those closest to you. A hard blow even when we all know it is inevitable.

Howard suffered from Alzheimer's for the last few years of his life. He forgot more and more. In a way, he was already gone when the spark of life left his body. I saw it with clarity at my wedding in October 2008. He smiled up at me with child like eyes full of wonder at the reception. He had no idea who I was right then, but I knew he was enjoying himself. The candle light and the castle, each emotion a fleeting moment in the flickering light. It makes me a bit sad reflecting back on the goodbye that night. In many ways it was a good bye of monumental proportions. I couldn't know at the time, but it really was a final goodbye.

Hiding from the inevitable only makes the shock of reality more difficult when it comes. Each life on this planet is undeniably short. I find it sad to think that I've let nearly 30 years of mine slip on by. I can only hope and strive to make the next 30 evermore memorable. I will strive to see it in the light of hope, love and laughter. I will strive to make a positive impact on those around me that I already know and to make more, lasting relationships with those I've yet to meet.

I'm trying to take a better look at life through the loss of it.