I'm still considered a newlywed. My husband and I tied the knot October 10th 2008. We'd been together for 9 years at that point. In that much time, you end up talking about everything... including children.
I've never been one of those women who longed for a baby. I'm an only child and I just don't have that much experience with babies. I can see their appeal, but I'll never be the lady in the office or at the party that begs to hold your child.
That being said, I imagine that I'll be a good mother. I have an instinct. I take good care of my husband and our pet family. (Well, maybe not good care of the cats, but I just don't like them that much.) I worry about things that mother's should worry about. I provide healthy food that I make with love. I can see a baby fitting in with our family at some point.
My husband didn't want children when we were younger... but he wants one now. He has been consumed by baby fever! He talks about it every week. I was very resistant at first. I pushed back and said, "Maybe next year. Remember we're planning our real honeymoon trip for next year." (we're currently saving for a trip to Iceland) And, "Remember, I'm supposed to do the 70 miler with you." He keeps saying "OK." But, I can feel the disappointment in his voice.
So, he's wearing me down. Now we're talking about baby names. I'm still not giving in completely. I do want to wait to start trying for a baby until next year. I want our long term renovation project to be more complete. I want to take that trip. I want to paddle in that race, at least once. I really feel like these things aren't excuses, just things I need to do before I shift focus to a child. I know I'll change. I know that I will be consumed by that child at first. That the rest of my life will fall away and he or she will be the most important thing. I'll have to shift my life around to revolve around that baby for sometime. I don't want to regret never going on that trip... never pushing myself to finish that race.
Still, I feel my biological clock ticking away. I'll be 30 in April. I don't think that is old really, but physically it might be. Fertility wise, I might be pushing my luck. Early menopause is part of my genetic past. I don't have any older mothers in my family. They all had their children early in life. My mother was only 18 when she had me. My parents tried to have another child when my mother was a bit younger than I am now... that didn't happen. It was a sad time when my brother was lost before he could be born. So, I worry that I've waited too long to grow up. I worry that I'm being selfish to hold out until next year.
Do you have plans for children?
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